Hey, I’ve been away from this type of blog for a while, but this is because I am currently in my tests' week, and I have to study a bunch, and the same time, I procrastinated a bunch, so this is why I wasn’t writing. But here I am, who is alive always show up.
The thing is, I also didn’t know what I should talk about in my blog, cause I’ve been not really inspired these days. I will probably talk more about my depression in another day, since right now, I am not really open to this theme. What can I say, depression doesn’t go away too easily from my life, since I’ve been living with it for more years that I can remember, and during this quarantine I had a bunch of breakdowns when I just can’t understand why keep my depression like it is my pet…
After this really short explanation, I will continue with my today’s theme, that is “ Living”. How I said before, I am not inspired at all. So this is my theme.
Living, is fu*** hard. And I see everywhere, how complicated is to find light in the middle of disasters, chaos and sad news on TV or internet. I should say, how hard is to find hope, but I believe that hope is the last thing that die on us, because when it dies we don’t really have a reason to live, right? Like, faith in humanity is a thing, and hope that something goes well in our lives is another, okay? Just separating two things that people believe that is the same. I don’t have faith that exists a wonderful and perfect human in ever single aspect on this planet, if you dig, you will probably find dirty facts, ideas or whatever in this person’s life. If you find this person, comment and tell me his whole history, since birth till death, please, and then I reconsider my thoughts.
Some examples, is that Leonardo Da Vince made plans of invasion of cities and weapons projects, Thomas Edison electrocuted an elephant, Steve Jobs negated for a part of his life his daughter, and there it goes… Is just a question, of how deep you search this person’s life and how great this person hide his dirty, did you know that ex-prince Harry went to a party dressed as a Nazis? Okay, I will stop for now, I admit that I went too far, (I don’t believe that someone important will read this blog, but in case of getting a process, I didn’t say anything, okay? I am really really poor, just a teenager writing in an unknown blog. If you want, I can just erase. )
Continuing, like I said before, live is fuckin hard. Not because I don’t see good humans, just because when we try anything in our lives we always have the possibility to fail, and this is what happens in most people’s lives. Our lives is more about failing that having instant success. Is about trying to get in a good college, try to have new friends, try to keep these friendships, try to get a job, try to get a driver's license, … And in everything we try in our lives, we can find disappointment. So during the process of living, we can doubt our capabilities, our intelligence, luck, potential, etc. We cannot find a rope to don’t fall.
I know that what I live is not a fight to despised, I know that my life is not a grandiose history that will be remembered for many years, my life is more about a book with short tales, anecdotes and chronicles, than a notable novel. It will be forgotten with time, although, the important thing in my book, is how I felt during my journey, what I remember, what I learn with my fails, what I could make my timeline more enjoyable, a lot of embarrassed moments in my life may be jokes in the future for I share and make someone smile.
I already told in my blog, that I am not a stable person, and my mood change like a roller coaster. So what I write here, is based in how I try to stay sane, to not lose my hope in my future, that I will achieve a success a point in my life, not huge success just something that will make my life worth, little dreams that will make me feel great for a while.
A good advice when you’re feeling bad, and works for me, is to connect with your feelings, draw something, write about what you’re feeling, try to understand the reason, and for the last, is to search for people who failed a bunch but still living, and achieve a kind of success or peace. Because, when I feel bad, I don’t want to see people smiling for a photo, I want to listen to people who had to fought to their place, to besides any of their difficulties, still alive, and still trying. Want to listen to real people, not to look for a smiling photo. Because real people inspire me to deal with my failings, to see that I can continue to stumble and withstand blows, and how I should see my sad moments.
Because I am tired of writing and no one read, I will be away from a while again. To respect my feelings and… Just kidding! Just finishing my tests week, I will be here again , even if no one reads my blog. So for my ghosts readers, don’t be sad. Who is alive always comeback!
